21-Day Anxiety Reset: Transform Your Anxiety from Enemy to Ally
False vs. True Anxiety
If you struggle with anxiety, you're in good company. Not just with me, but another 40 million Americans in 2024. It's now the most common mental health issue in the U.S.
Me? I can vividly remember my first panic attack around the age of eight. I had a lot going on at home to be anxious about, but as you get older, the story can get more complex.
The Brain and the Body
What if your anxiety isn’t mental at all? In other words, what if it were the symptom of a physiological issue as opposed to the root cause of other issues?
According to Dr. Ellen Vora (author of The Anatomy of Anxiety), not all anxiety is created equal. She breaks it down into two types:
False Anxiety: Physiological imbalances that masquerade as mental distress. Think blood sugar crashes, sleep disorders, inflammation, thyroid issues, alcohol withdrawal, or excessive caffeine. These can be addressed by working with your biology.
True Anxiety: A valid inner signal that something in your life needs attention. This isn’t something to "fight" or "fix". It’s something to listen to.
Why is this important to consider? Although the mind and body form a symbiotic relationship, the body is easier to approach than the mind. It's easier to take deep breaths, cut back on the coffee, or even get some blood work than it is to untie the Gordian knot of the myriad of things that might be floating around your head.
Starting With the Obvious
Due to my history with anxiety, I am never surprised when it pops up, but I am always disappointed. It will come and go. Sometimes, based on life circumstances, but other times, like the weather.
But over the last year, it's been especially persistent at night.
But not the thoughts that keep me from falling asleep, but instead seemed to wake me from a deep sleep with a massive surge of adrenaline.
I won't go into how many things I tried to address this (but it's a LOT). Last week, in a final attempt to "check all the boxes," I decided to do a sleep study.
It came back positive for sleep apnea. Turns out, I was stopping breathing 17 times an hour. My body, in panic, flooded itself with adrenaline and cortisol to try and wake me up. I wasn’t anxious because of stress. I was anxious because I was suffocating in my sleep.
And guess what other physiological level can cause tons of anxiety? Not sleeping.
This is all unfolding in real time, so there will likely be more to this saga as I start researching CPAP machines. But it doesn't change the fact that I've always been an anxious dude. And it's my guess that this won't "fix" me, but I'm hoping it helps a lot.
The 21-Day Anxiety Reset Challenge
Let's assume that sleep apnea isn't the issue, and even if it were, this reset will still be so good for your mind and body.
I recently read Martha Beck’s book Beyond Anxiety. The big reframe is that anxiety isn’t something to suppress or conquer but instead something to befriend.
She uses the metaphor of anxiety being like a small, scared, wild animal.
I know it sounds weird, but here me out.
When you’re anxious, most people try to force it away. You grip harder. You fight it. You try to talk yourself out of it. But none of that works.
Beck says: imagine walking into a clearing where a frightened, injured creature is crouched. If you rush toward it, shout at it, or try to force it to calm down, it’s going to bolt. Or worse, it’s going to freeze in fear.
Now imagine approaching it differently:
You soften your gaze
You lower your voice
You take a slow step, then pause
You sit quietly, without trying to fix or tame it
You extend your hand, open and patient
Eventually, the animal may come closer. Or it may not. But what it will feel is safety. That’s what your nervous system needs more than anything.
““You don’t calm the anxiety creature by conquering it,” Beck says. “You calm it by letting it know you’re not a threat. That you’re staying. That you see it.””
This is the essence of “amygdala whispering.” It's that little walnut-sized part of your brain that lights up when you're in danger. It’s not about suppression. It’s about co-regulation. And it starts with approaching yourself like you’d approach something wild, tender, and worthy of protection.
Day 1-7: Befriend the Creature
Spend 15 minutes each day in a sanctuary-like space (your office, a corner of your home, outside if possible). he goal isn’t to fix it or force it away, but to sit with it gently until it feels safe enough to soften.
Step 1: Sit somewhere quiet and soothing.
Step 2: Close your eyes and visualize your "anxiety creature." Where does it live in your body? What does it look like? No judgment.
Step 3: Sigh audibly. Long exhale through pursed lips.
Step 4: Soften your eyes (gaze into the distance or close them lightly).
Step 5: Let yourself move slightly. Rock, shake, stretch. No stiffness.
Step 6: Murmur or hum. A calming vibration, not a performance.
Step 7: Offer internal kindness:
“I see you.”
“You’re safe.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“May you be well.”
No rush. No goal. Just presence.
Days 8–14: Regulate + Relate (Train the Creature)
Now that you’ve made friends with this little creature, it’s time to develop a relationship with it. This is where true anxiety becomes your teacher, not your enemy. You can settle in for the first few minutes repeating what you did in week one, and then move onto this:
Step 1: Come back to the space where your creature feels safe your sanctuary).
Step 2: Green–Yellow–Green Practice (15 min)
Start in a calm (green-light) state. Observe how safety feels in your body.
Shift to a light (yellow-light) stressor, a to-do you’ve been avoiding, a small worry.
Let the stress build slightly, then actively return to green using breath, sound, and self-talk.
Journal your observations: what changed in your body? What worked to bring you back?
Optional add-ons:
Walks with no inputs (just space for thoughts)
Journal: “What is my anxiety trying to protect me from?”
“The goal isn’t to eliminate yellow. It’s to learn that you can return to green - over and over again.”
Days 15–21: Listen Deeply (Partner With the Creature & Your Other Parts)
At this stage, your job isn’t to manage anxiety, it’s to let it guide you. This is the deep work of partnering with the parts of yourself that have been exiled, ignored, or shamed. This is from Dr. Richard Schartz's Internal Family Systems (IFS).
Daily practice (15–30 min, as able, starting with the first two sections):
Step 1: Choose a quiet time and place. Journal through these steps:
Invite your parts to speak. (“Hello all my parts. I’m here to listen.”)
Meet your inner manager (the perfectionist, the achiever). Ask:
“What are you trying to do for me?”
“What are you afraid will happen if you stop?”
Meet your firefighter (the distractor, the rebel). Ask the same.
Ask both: “Who or what are you trying to protect?”
If you meet an exile (a younger, hurt part) speak gently. Offer compassion, not correction. Use your breath, creature-calming techniques, and your sanctuary to create safety.
Step 2: End each session with grounding:
“Here’s the truth about right now…”
“Here’s what I’m capable of…”
“Here are the people and resources I can count on…”
“Here’s one small thing I can do today that honors all of this.”
Calm your creature again if it feels like it is in the yellow or red.
Step 3: Final prompt for the day:
What truth is this anxiety inviting me to face?
When the Signal Becomes the Compass
We don’t get to eliminate anxiety. But we do get to understand it.
And in that understanding, we can shift from reacting...to listening.
From fearing the signal...to following it. And who knows? It might just lead you to the place you were always meant to go.
““The body always leads us back to truth. We just have to be quiet long enough to hear it.””
This post cannot begin to touch everything in the book, so I highly recommend reading it and going through the exercises - especially if you suffer from anxiety. And if that is the case, may you find some peace.
Find your next edge,
Eli
